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  1. Instead of saying, ‘I’m witty,’” Robinson suggests, “say, ‘I’m one part Ricky Gervais, one part Jon Stewart, and a soupcon of Fred Flintstone.’ That paints a more vivid picture.” I like surfing, reading, swimming, jogging, and cooking. If you saw a list like this on a cute girl’s profile, how would you possibly respond? “ ‘Last summer, I went surfing at the Jersey Shore nearly every day with my dog Rufus. Buy me a beer, and I’ll tell you more.’ Something like that gives a date plenty to want to talk to you about—plus you sound like an active, interesting person, not just a list of gerunds.” Don’t stretch the truth, even on minor details.

  2. Under the guise of “protecting” Americans, what really occurs during the TSA screening process is the of male travelers via the shedding of shoes, stripping of belts (with which guns are associated), the forced ’surrender’ in Chertoff’s Porno Scanners, and the mandatory penis and buttocks grabbing by a male assist.